Sailor Bob Nonuduality - No idenependent nature

You are that one intelligence, what I call, for a word, different label on it, intelligence energy. The activity of knowing. And there's no one in this room who is not knowing right now. When a seed sprouts, it knows that it is. It's not saying, I know that it is. It's not using any words, concepts or ideas or anything like that. Just in that knowing, it sprouts and grows from there. The bird, you, I, knowing that we are, that existence or beingness, different labels we put on it. But there's never been anything or will be anything than that one. So you can't give it any name, any shape or any form.

Because it is, as they say, the cognising emptiness, emptiness with the capacity to cognise. Or know or be. And knowing is another word or form for intelligence. It's an innate intelligence that's in that cognising emptiness. It goes into every pattern, shape and form that it vibrates as and expresses as. And it's never changed its true nature. It's never been divided, never separated from anything. But all you can say about it, it is no thing. No thing whatsoever. And every apparent thing is that. Everything is that. That's the Mahaveka, the great mantra. I am that, this is that. We know that innately. Because if you say, that's a chair, that's a carpet, that's the house, that's the car, that's you, that's me.

It's all that which we put different labels on, which have discriminated it. Set it apart. There's no discriminating concepts around it. There's no discriminating concepts or idea or image. So in the recognition and understanding and knowing that that is all there is, what is there to get? What is there to lose? What can be attained? What can't be? And what is there that is not that? The getting, the being, the attaining, the losing and everything like that. That's all the one essence. I can use the analogy of the one stick. Not the stick that hasn't got one end. It's got two ends. So the way this manifestation functions, the good, the bad, the pleasant, the painful, the happy, the sad, are two ends of the same stick.

And we try to discriminate. We want the good, we want to hang on to the good, and don't want the bad. Can that ever happen? It can't. Because if you cut the bad end off, what would be left? There's still that other end there. What would it form as? There's always got to be seemingly two ends to it. It's only the one essence. Everything is that. And you have never, will ever, or can ever be anything other than that. What is there to search for? What is there to seek from that point of view? That's why we say start from the fact that you are already that.

And the search itself becomes the problem. Because the search implies there is something I haven't got. But if I do this mantra, read this book, along with what the scriptures tell us we need to do to attain it, meditate, read the scriptures, do all the guru, saver, and all the rest of it, and all these other things we've got to do to try and become something. And realise that becoming is not being. There's no such thing as being. There's no such thing as becoming. There's only being. Becoming implies a future time. That's why that needs to be looked at also. And see that time itself is a concept, a mental concept.

And investigate these things and see for yourself. Because nobody is ever going to do anything for you at all. And we believe that. We come to believe in a lot of things. We believe that we can go to one of those gurus, tap you on the head with some peacock feathers, or hit you between the eyes with a thumb, or do something else, or whisper a secret mantra in your ear. And all these things will enable you to become something. But how can you become something that you already are? And this is what we miss out on. It is one essence that's patterning, shaping, and forming, and appearing as everything.

There's no scripture that's worth a salt, will tell you anything other than that. No religion will tell you anything other than that. But they're seemingly obscured with all the different concepts we put on. You know. Non-duality, duality, and all the rest of it. Buddhism, dog-shin, Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Muslim, all the rest of it. Every ism comes from dualism. Capitalism, communism, Catholicism, Protestantism. And there is absolutely no ism in it whatsoever. The simplicity of this is missed, and it has continued to be missed. Because we don't hear what's being said. We don't take it on board. We hear this, oh that sounds good, that rings a bell, that resonates, but I'll go down the road, there's something better down the road.

Or the next book, or the next thing I look at on Facebook, or in my computer, or... Give it to me. Does it? Have a look and see. If it did, what the hell would you be here for? What would anyone be here for? So that's what we're going to. This believes in ego, or self-centre, which is the problem. And you're told that in the scriptures, too. That's the thing that comes up. The self-centre, the reference point, or the ego. Everything becomes relative to the self-centre, reference point, or ego. There's three expressions of the one thing. And they tell you, again, those scriptures are worth their salt, the ego is a fiction.

It's a total fiction. It's believed in self-centre. It's me. It's a fiction. It never existed. But you can't see that because you've taken on the belief when you learnt words, when you learnt the language, and the energy of belief has consistently gone into that. It was essentially a thinking, and a working out in the mind. But when you look at mind, you'll really investigate that, you'll see there's no such thing as mind. Mind is nothing but thought. Thought is nothing but a vibration. And a vibration is nothing but a vibrating, seemingly somewhat a throb or a pulsation in nature itself. That cognising emptiness seemingly sort of vibrates, and it vibrates like the energy going through the ocean.

It'll cause a tiny ripple to appear. That ripple will become a wave. And a wave will become a big billow. But it's nothing other than order. Different ways we point it out, and point it out, it's all the one essence. Appearing, patterned, shaping, and following, and everything. And you can't even say it's an essence. It's nothing. It can be grasped with a concept. No thing. No thing whatsoever. And when you understand that, that all this manifestation is made up of things. You and I and every other pattern, shape, and form in this manifestation are things. Patterning as this thing or that thing or some other thing.

Can some thing come from nothing? Because that's all emptiness, the changeless background, the silence and the stillness, there's no thing. No thing whatsoever. Can some thing come from no thing? It's impossible. All the manifestation is still that no thing. And when you understand I am the no thing or the no thing, we think of a vacuum or a void of emptiness. But out of that no thing, thing, pattern, shapes, and forms appear. Seemingly so. And that's why they call it a phenomenal manifestation. Their definition of phenomena is that which appears to be. Seemingly so. That's what all that ever is and all that ever will be.

A seeming pattern, shape, and form. And there's many ways you can look in nature and see that happening. The water in the mirror. You're driving down the road and you see what appears to be a pool of water. Which is only the sun shining onto the bitumen and the heat rising from that seemingly shimmers or vibrates and it appears as a pool of water. Drive up to it, it disappears. Where is the water? Appears to be water. Where is it? It's not there. When was it ever there? And you realise it never was there, never could be there. But it appeared to be so. The blue sea.

Go down to the ocean and I'll say get a bucket of blue water out of the sea. You'll say, don't be ridiculous. Because you've investigated that, you know you can't. But walk away from it, why don't you look back on it, what is it? It appears to be blue. The sky. The sky out there appears to be blue. And going over here there seems to be a dome. Seems to be something solid. But it's got no static point to it, no shape or form to it whatsoever. All these things. The rainbow. Go outside in the day and see a rainbow appearing in the sky. And when you investigate it, you see it's the cloud, the sun shining through the mist, the mist of rain or water vapour and reflects back on that blue dome on the sky and breaks up into colours.

Like you'll shine a light through a crystal and it'll break up into colours. What colours are there? None whatsoever. This body seems solid and substantial. Put it under a microscope and see. You'll see there are great gaps in it. Space. Space is emptiness. Pattern shapes and forms are there. And every cell in that body is a fuse with that innate intelligence. Each cell knows what to do. A liver cell is not going to become a heart cell or a brain cell. A skin cell is not going to become a liver cell. Every cell is a fuse with that intelligence. The two cells that formed you, the sperm and the ovum, two cells full of life, full of life.

Full of that innate intelligence. Knowing what to do. Sperm swam to the ovum, proving it's not just a blob of goo, and the capacity of swimming. And there were thousands of cells there. Not all of them make it. And that's how nature is. It's prolific in its manifestation. There are thousands of seeds on that tree outside. Not every one of them will sprout. And some of them become food for something else. Some of them do all sorts of different things. But some will make it to the ovum and know what to do when it gets there, penetrate the ovum. And the ovum itself, the egg, is the fuse with that innate intelligence.

It knows what to do also. It attaches to the wall of the uterus. And when those two come together, what happens? Those cells double and redouble and form the little embryo, the little fetus that forms you. And that's what you are. We've lost sight of that. And we've taken on the belief when we came out and were born for a couple of years we learnt we were taken on the belief we are this separate entity. This person. This individual. And we put the concepts and labels on that person. This so-called personal self. And say, I'm this, that, and the other. I'm so wonderful, I'm so great.

And form this egoic concept of what we believe ourselves to be. And we think we're going to understand this God. We're going to know this God. We're going to change the world. We're going to do all these sort of things. And when it doesn't seem to happen, what do we do? Because it's a vibration, a movement of energy and the so-called opposites come up, we beat ourselves up with this conceptual image we've got. The fear, the anger, the depression, the guilt, the shame. The unhappiness, the remorse. And we suffer because of that. Psychologically we suffer. And there's not a human being in this world that hasn't suffered.

And will continue to do so. But there are a lot of people down through the ages that are not, compared to the people that have been on there, it's just like the seeds on the tree. They're not all going to sprout, but there will be a few that do. And they're what the scriptures are formed about. They're the ones that have understood and formed to show the way out of this psychological self. How to live naturally. Naturally and actively. Which is our true nature. Rather than from the conceptual image of the me. And that's the only thing, if you want to understand this, you need to recognise it.

And look at it and see for yourself. Because there's nobody going to give it to you. How can a reflection in the mirror tell the other reflection what to do or what not to do? It can't. But you can't say those reflections are not in the mirror. Go up to the mirror and try and grab a reflection out of the mirror. All you'll do is grab the glass. Investigate this persona, this image, and all you'll do is reach the emptiness itself. That you are. And that emptiness, as the Buddha told you, it's a cognising emptiness. Cognising is another way of knowing or intelligence. It's a cognising emptiness.

And he made this to us. And he made the statement there and then that emptiness is form. That these forms that you and I are, are emptiness. Nothing but emptiness. He turned it round the other end and pointed that out. Because the form of form is nothing but the emptiness. And the emptiness can't be anything other than the form. Vibrating, so that emptiness that are vibrating into pattern, shapes and forms. That there's no actual reality to any of it. Any of it. It's all seeming appearance. But through these pattern, shapes and forms, the capacity of reasoning, intelligence, suffusion, seems to have developed. And we seem to see things as real.

As actual. Not recognising that they'd all be pulled apart. And that's the way that an intelligence is functioning. It's functioning as a human. It's a human form that has the capacity of reasoning. Which is much more developed than what it is in an animal, insect, bird. Or whatever other things are out there that we haven't known. And that capacity of reasoning is very useful. Because we can invent things and evolve through different ways and means. Through this capacity of reasoning. We learn to invent things and build things and all of this. But because it's a vibration of energy like everything else, it's self-destructive as well.

Because it's that same intelligence, this vibration that forms, it's the same energy that tells me I'm not good enough. Or I'm fearful, or I'm unhappy, I'm depressed, I'm anxious. And as it's telling this me, or I am, this sense of presence, it translates through the thought as the thought I am. It's telling this conceptual image, I am, that I'm not good enough, I'm fearful. It doesn't tell me what I really am. I am the no-thingness, the actuality that has the capacity of patterning, shaping, forming and appearing as everything. The one essence. I am that. And only and ever and will be that. That's what we point to and ask you to look at those along those lines.

We can go on now. I'm going to put more in it. And there's other people here who had a taste of this or understand it along the way. I might put out little pointers of something that will resonate. And that's what it is. There's an innate intelligence in you that resonates and recognises when it hears or feels or tastes, touches or smells the reality. And that resonates, that resonation brings about more clarity and understanding. And recognising because we've strayed from what we truly are and got this conceptual image which we've reinforced day in day out for years and years it is without questioning. Brings us back to its simplicity.

And knowing that it's available for each and every one of us. So there it is. You can get into it and talk about it instead of being silent for the last five or so minutes. I stop off and then talk. And time after it goes on. Get into it right now. Ask your questions and talk and discussion and get into it. And see what resonates with you. That's all. Okay. When you say everything's an illusion, this physical form and all that. But I'm still, as I'm getting around in the world, I'm still experiencing it, seeing it. Like it's still appearing there. But you're saying it's...

It's not real. It's not what's really going on. Yeah. But who is it appearing to? It must be how it's appearing or expressing. And it's probably expressing what you're saying is probably expressing similar or the same to a lot of other people also. Like the world as we know it. Things like that. But when we think it comes to the thinking and all the rest of it, we think it's appearing to this separate entity or individual. But it's the same. But it's the same intelligence energy that's fashioned that body, that's fashioned the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and the ideas and images and everything else. Inventions and talents and everything else that come out.

And that is what you are. So you don't have to try and give it to the conceptual I that thinks it's doing something. That's our mistake. I think when I see it differently or I understand it or I know it. Yeah. Without that construction of how it... So it's not the two-ended stick. It's the one stick. Yeah. That will vibrate into the pairs of opposites. And that's what a vibration is. Good, bad, pleasant, painful. Somewhat of a move. When does it begin? Now. Where does it end? Now. It's spontaneous. There's one way to look at this because it's such a thrilling concept. Form is emptiness.

Everything is illusion. How do I see it? How do I experience it? Another way of looking at it is... Seeing the nature of everything as empty. Because see, whenever you look at something, you actually give it a label and you give it a meaning and you give it a history and you relate that history to yourself. And then it becomes meaningful and it becomes real. And the more you believe in its reality, the more real it is. But sometimes Bob is pointing not only the nature of things is empty, but also they don't have independent nature. Like the body that is exchanging the air. It's exchanging the air with environment.

It's exchanging water. It's exchanging matter. The same with every other object. They're not independent. They depend on each other and on the whole universe. In this way, the nature of things to be empty is really easy to see. And then the next step to actually see them as empty. Bob often uses science, like look under the microscope and you will see the vibrating field of pure probability. But even in the universe, there's no such thing as pure probability. There's no such thing as pure probability. And at that point, this is just a pointer. This is just an interesting idea that keep you investigating. Because the moment you actually find yourself at this point, there will be a dawning.

I see what they meant. Because for the mind it means nothing and it always will mean nothing. It means paradox and it's not the way to go to actually try to understand how is that illusion. Although it is, you see the analogy of the dream. How is that illusion? That's kind of a good way to illustrate it. The dream at night that never happened and yet it was so real. It was so fully furnished and exciting and contained emotions and peoples and places. Yeah, it's a fascinating topic. But a certain amount of contemplation may be really exciting. You want to add something? We can sort of see each other here.

Yes. Can we? Yes. I'm saying Bob that if it's an illusion that we're all seeing the world from our own perspective. I mean we don't talk about our own but you know, different perspectives, what's in this room. Yeah, you're seeing and then you say I see. I still say I see you, Vic. Yeah, you say I see you formed a subject, a seer. Who's seeing? Who's the subject of seeing? Is that I real or is it just a seeing? And you see the things in this room, that's become the object. You've divided the seeing into subject-object which is duality. But can the thought I see actually see?

No. The thought I see can't see. So seeing is happening but the thought I see can't see. So the seeing is the actuality, not the thought up. So the seeing is the natural spontaneous functioning. It's expressing through that body. And you say I am the body. I am this mind that's thinking or seeing this. Are you the body? Look at that. You can break it down into the elements. Air, earth, fire, water, space. That's what it's made up of. Those elements coming together enable that seeing to happen. Can there be a seer without the thought I see? Can there be a thinker without the thought I think?

There's thinking, seeing, tasting, touching, smelling. All this is happening spontaneously and naturally. When we divided the seer, the seeing, the thinker, the thought, the feeler and the felt, the taster and the tasted, we're dividing the non-divisible into subject-object. Dualism. And then the same with the thoughts. When the thoughts come up, good and bad, you're thinking it out of the way, good and bad, pleasant, painful, happy, sad, loving, hating, positive, negative. Watch your mind and see whatever thoughts come up. And they're always dualistically. Without the thought at all, what can be discriminated? What can be said about it? So the appearance is going to seem very real.

But understand it's only real. The dream feels very real while you're in the dream. When you wake up, you'll see it's a total fiction that never existed at all. And we wake up from that dream into this dream, which is a waking dream. And the only way we take this dream, this waking, semi-awaking dream, to be real is because it has a continuity. It continues each morning from where it left off the night before. But that sleeping dream doesn't. It disappears. And you realize after a while, and constantly a while, it never was there. Just the same as you look back on your life. A lot of it you'll hang onto these beliefs and all the rest of it, and you realize what they happened so many years and years ago, they're not real anymore.

So we constantly relate to this dead image. It's not the actual thing anymore. And that's where we get lost. Relating to a dead image. The dead image, or anything dead, cannot keep up with life. Life is ever fresh and ever new. That's what they tell you in the scriptures. Non-conceptual, ever fresh presence awareness. Even if you're having a similar thought that you had yesterday or last week or last year, you will have similar thoughts again. Each thought is fresh and new. It's not the old one. They might have the same meaning and the same sentence. But it's a fresh and new thought all the time.

Thoughts you had are dead and gone. The traumas and dramas you had are dead and gone. We keep regurgitating them and putting a conceptual image on them. And beating ourselves up with the old all the time. What conditioning is there if you don't think about it? Seeing, touching, feeling, or feeling as in touch, but what about emotion? Thought, feeling and emotion, when you look at it closely, are one and the same thing. Thought, feeling and emotion are one and the same thing, just like steam, water and ice. Three aspects of the one. Steam is a very subtle, I put my time on water, when it comes with water, it's not so subtle.

When it becomes ice, it becomes solid. Thought, feeling and emotion, you'll have a thought, it might be a sad thought, or you mightn't even realise you've had it. But it'll be there. That thought will be there for a while, then the feeling will come up. The feeling of sadness will suffuse your body. And when that feeling gets strong enough it'll suffuse the body, the emotion will come up, the tears will come. Or the anger, the fear. And when you look at it, it's all the one vibrating energy that forms the thought, feeling and emotion. But we've separated them. And the feeling seems stronger than the thoughts, and the emotion seems worse.

And that's what we lodge into and take the emotions to be real. It's only a continuity of thought, which is, you know, the feelings going into and making it. Look at it and test it out and see for yourself. If it works, if it doesn't, come back and tell me. That's all that can happen, I can only point it out. You might see it in slightly different light, in different ways, from your background and all the way to it. But it'll all come back to the same thing. If it's investigated. And that's the beauty of it. Because the false cannot stand up to investigation. When you see something and recognise it as false, can you ever truly believe it again?

You can't. And each time it comes up again, you're looking at it, and, wait a minute, I saw through this before. Was I seeing rightly? And if you're seeing truthfully, it'll be less and less. And the more it's seen through, the less and less hold it's got onto you. So you can't believe it at all. And it drops off. Nothing can live without energy. And if there's no energy of belief going into these things, where can they reside? Where can they fixate on? Where can they stay? Nowhere. They fall off. That's why investigation is necessary. Because we took on the belief in all these things when we learnt words.

And we learnt words from our parents, schools, the society, and we never investigated them. Took them for granted. And the belief, energy of belief goes in. We believe they're real. Investigation of belief, if it's a belief, it'll be, if it's a fact, it'll stay. There won't be a belief anymore. But if it is a belief and you investigate it, it'll fall away. Because the definition of belief is an unquestioned acceptance of something in the absence of reason. An unquestioned, there it is, not to investigate, an unquestioned acceptance. We've taken it for granted. Acceptance of an alleged fact. All these things are alleged. We've taken on the allegations and believe in their truth.

An alleged fact without positive knowledge or proof. Until you investigate them, and if they're positive and truthful, you'll know. If they're not, where are they going to, how long are they going to stay? And you're going to continue, put the energy of belief into something you know is not real. That's why we believe God. We believe this. We believe all the scriptures. We believe a lot of these things. Investigate them and see what they're saying is true. There's a lot of bullshit out there. But there is the truth there. And that's the script you're saying. Know the truth. And the truth will set you free.

The belief's not going to set you free. That's the truth that sets you free. And that's what Nisargadatta said, I am the way. That's what Christ told you, I am the way. I am the truth. I am the life. Not talking about himself. He's talking about that sense of presence. That translates through the mind as that primary thought, I am. Go to that sense of presence. That's the way. That's the truth. That's the life. That sense of presence. Anyone who's not present right now, that sense of presence is there, isn't it? Well that's the way. That's the truth. Stay with that. That's what Nisargadatta said.

Just stay with that I am-ness. Stay with it until you recognise it and see it for what it actually is. I'm finding it quite told here and there. I'm not saying it's not true. I think I've told very helpful about that space. ...awareness. Are you unaware right now? Am I unaware? I think I'm aware. You must be aware, could you open your mouth, could you speak? I'm not scared to say anything. Very honest. I just said I think I'm aware and you don't do that do you? We try to grasp awareness as some sort of concept but you're not, you know, you're not unaware so you must be aware.

Yes. you're not unconscious, so you must be conscious, but you can't grasp consciousness with a concept either. What's consciousness? Nothing but existence or being. Can you speak about death, please? I think it was, who was it, I forget his name now, said, death became a laughable impossibility. A laughable impossibility. What was born? It was only the thought I am that was born. And that's what dies, you can die now, and that's what St Francis told you. And dying to that sense of presence, dying to that, what was it, dying to that, only if I... Only to dying. I die, yeah. Only by dying I can have a...

Only by dying I can have a... ...an eternal life. So eternal life is not death, is it? So you've got to fear death when you know, if you died at that sense of self, that's all the... The so-called death pattern, shapes and forms break down, but other patterns, shapes and forms express, all in the one essence. Can you postulate or think of anything that could be outside of space? What would it be in? You'd have to put something to put it in, and it's all taken place in space. There's nothing that can be outside of space. And all this content must be space. It can't be outside of it.

So what's become, what's gone, what's begun, what's finished, what happened? Appearances, seemingly so. If you define a tree, so you'd say the trunk, the root, the branch, the leaf, is that the one? But if you take away a leaf, it'll still survive. If you take away a branch, it'll still survive. You could cut the tree in half and it'd probably still grow. Yeah. Where'd it come from? The seed. Break the seed down. Where did that come from? Another tree. Yeah. In each seed, the potential is to cover the earth in trees. The potential of each seed. It doesn't all deserve that. If you remove the tree from the soil, it wouldn't survive.

If you remove the tree from the sunlight, it wouldn't survive. If you remove the tree from the... Break it down, what's it made of? Atoms. Yeah. What before it was made of? What is it? The soil. And wood's one of the elements. Like everything else, like this body's one of the elements. It rots away. Back into the earth. Where does it go? Has it gone anywhere? Has the residual, what's left over, has it gone to a place called hell? Or another place called heaven? Or it got out of space? Where is heaven or hell? Can you take that out of space? What would it be in?

The kitchen table. And that is probably why, because what you say, that's a beautiful illustration of how nature of things is empty and how nothing stands on its own, has no independent nature. And that's why, what Bob is usually suggesting, instead of investigating all the perceived objects, we investigate what is perceiving them. Because we could analyse every tree and that would be bringing us to the same place, but it would take thousands of years. Every object of perception. And now, from this standpoint, okay, what is the projector that is projecting that? What is the source of the perception? Who is there? Who is the subject, if everything else is an object?

And then, obviously, body is not a subject, because body is also being perceived. Even the eye is somehow known, so it's not the subject. So, to find the subject is absolute impossibility. Because to make it actually to... Subject is a subject. I can't vacate it to evaluate it, because then it's an object. It's not a subject anymore. So, this is the paradox, actually investigating the pure subjectivity and finding its nature completely undescribable as nothing. Because it doesn't have... even the elements don't apply to the subjectivity, to that pure consciousness. This is the point where... where any sort of subjectivity shows its own nature as empty, and yet it's still there.

And yet it still exists. It's still being cognizing. It's pure cognition. It is the source of cognizing. And then the objects, of course, that's the different story. But if there is no one who is to... who the objects are to be related to, there is no suffering anymore. Because, yes, everything still appears and is still magnificent. And it's... And a contemplation like that, yes, what Bob was saying, the tree comes from another tree, from the seed. And it... It's just a dance. It's beautiful. But then it is not good or bad anymore. There's nothing wrong about it anymore. So the suffering is... is gone. And then life shows up in its beauty without the harm element.

Instead of the... the discontentment or the sense of inadequacy or the sense of void or unhappiness. Being the core issue around which the whole life evolves. I've got to fix myself. I've got to get better. I've got to, you know, extinguish that anxiety, that inner... that angst. Now the center of life is the peace, is the contentment, is the nothing wrong, is the nothing's wrong anymore. And apart from that, everything just flows, comes and goes as... as it always does. But there is no problem. Go back to that tree. Have a look at it. You know, a little seed. Put it in the earth. It needs to go into the earth.

Put a bit of water on it and a bit of heat on it. It'll sprout. Now there's an innate intelligence in that. Because it sends roots down into the earth. And when you look at a tree, you go outside, you go through some of these railway cuttings where they're cut down deep into the rock. And they'll be splitting. And there'll be a tree on the side. And you'll see the roots found its way down. And you'll see the roots between these things to where it found the nutrients. And it goes the other way and grows up in the bark, wood. Now the sap, the life essence runs through it.

Where it's getting the substance from the earth. In winter, it has a spell. It shuts down. What happens? The leaves fall off. Branches, it appears to be dead. Then again, a bit of warmth, a bit of heat, and a bit of water on it in the springtime. And it sprouts. And little green buds will appear on those branches and twigs and everything else. And then form into leaves. The leaves and anything else in it will form into flowers. And the flowers will fall into fruit. Doesn't that imply that the tree, there's a wondrous innate intelligence diffusing that tree. A knowingness. Not knowing this or knowing that.

Or reasoning, I've got to do this and that. That's a capacity humans have. Other animals and birds and insects don't have that particular capacity. The tree has, doesn't need any words, concepts or ideas. It knows what to do. It's like everything else, the fusionist intelligence. Plays its part in life. And it does it in separate from the environment. Like it sends some sort of a warmth in the earth. It means a little bit more of a longer days in the sun. And the buds come up. It's like, it's not, it's hard to say it is the intelligence of the tree and not the intelligence of the sun.

It is all connected. Yeah. No. Isolated. Objective. Me. We can never know that. We can't know the subjectivity. Can't be known from the object. Okay. The object cannot know subjectivity. It's totally impossible for that to occur. That's why, I mean, Bob says at the beginning. You know, start from that, that you already are. That awareness. Okay. Great. For, to come to know, words get really difficult here, but to come to know that pure subjectivity. The only, only thing that gets in the way of knowing that is the objectivity. And the objectivity is the awareness. The me. Mm-hmm. It's not a subject. Mm-hmm. If you can be aware of your me, if you can be aware of your thoughts, if you can be aware, yeah, but I am, I'm here.

It can't be you. Because there's something that's aware of that. So, that that you believe yourself to be is not it. And that illusion stuff that, you know, that what you're referring to, Margaret, it's, the world is still that pure, absolute. Pure, absolute subjectivity. The problem is we think or believe it's something else. We just believe that. And we've been taught to do that. Mm-hmm. Okay. So, how I perceive myself or how I perceive the world, that's the illusion. It's what we think it is. That's the illusion. Mm-hmm. The fact that there's a, you know, a, a flaw in it. Yeah. A flaw in a chair and a, and a so on and so forth.

Yes, it's all there. It's not like it's pretending to be there, but that's, you know, it's there. Mm-hmm. But it's not what we think it is. What we think it is is the illusion or the delusion, if you like. Mm-hmm. It's just not what we think it is. You can't put it as with the thing you know it's. Anything at all. But, but more importantly. What? But more importantly. See that that's what we do about self. Forget the chair. Mm-hmm. Forget the tree. Forget the sky. Forget the seeds. Forget, you know, like that that we do out there. That's what we do with self, with me.

That's the biggest object of all. And that's the illusion. That's the delusion. Mm-hmm. That's incorrect. Mm-hmm. It's absolutely incorrect. To be aware of something, you've got to be aware of it. Mm-hmm. You've got to be separate from it. Have to be. That's, to be aware, that's basic. To be aware of something, you've got to be separate from it. So if you can be aware of this body, if you can be aware of a feeling or an emotion, or if you can be aware of thought, yeah, whatever it is that you can be aware of is objective. Mm-hmm. It is not you. What you are is the pure subjectivity.

It is the pure subjectivity that is aware of all of that. Mm. That's right. But what gets in the way is the belief that what I am is the object. It's only a belief. Mm. Absolutely, purely just a belief, a thought system, a believed in process. Yeah. So we're not actually really, if we're seeing it through the veil of the mind, or if we're seeing life through the veil of thought, yeah, we're not seeing life at all. We're in a dream, like totally in a dream. We're not seeing what actually is. And what actually is is completely undivided. There's no division in it anyway. It is that one subjectivity.

Out there, in there, everywhere, doesn't matter what direction you want to point. Mm-hmm. It is all that one. But this process is about, you know, if you can't fully grasp what Bob talks about at the very, very beginning, which is start from that, that you already are, that pure awareness. Okay? If that doesn't crack it, then what you have to do is come to know what you're not. You have to go through that process. I'm not this, I'm not that, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. And that's okay? Totally okay. Yeah. So Bob spoke, you spoke about people having different talents or whatever. So if you get a strong desire, say, to write a book, so that would be your talent as a writer, and you just let that sort of come.

You're not forcing it that I have to be- But you wouldn't be doing this. No, your, there's no your talent, though. That's not my talent. It's not your, there's no talent. No, it's not your talent. It's not your talent. It's not your talent. It's not your talent. It's not your talent. It's not your talent. It's not your talent. It's not your, there's no person. That life using that body to express- That's the force using you to do that- No, it's not using you. There's no you. There's no you. Okay. Well, you've got, yeah, but it's important. Hand and a pen. But it's important. You've gotta hear your own communication because your own communication will keep enforcing that meanness.

Oh yeah. But it's the- intelligence working only there is no you there is no me there is no call you say through the form unique pattern of energy and that's just the mind trying to grasp it and divide it up oh it's the form it's not even that it's not a new cult a new religion or anything shakespeare told you it's been said nothing either good or bad but thinking makes us thinking and also bob you often say that this is the one essence and it's not even an essence it's the nothingness expressing through the body and ask the body so it is everything is the the unique talents like let's say bird is singing beautifully so is that life essence making the birds sing but also the body of the bird is is the same one essence so it's really nothing that is not that the different animals or whatever white light waves are coming in and doing different things it's just this real of each thing besides that it's there or it's either yeah so it's just it's just a movement to this energy just doing stuff you can't actually really elaborate anything at all as well it's just kind of nature it's just activity pure activity consciousness very clunky the mind works in the pairs of opposites and every question that arises arises from the me and everything's relative to me when you when you until you see that there is no me every every question that arises every question about death or writing or every question you see that you're not that my you know you're not the me and you're not everything related to it the questions just stop coming up because they're because because all questions are from a memory and a memory isn't you you know if you're me if you have amnesia and your memory doesn't work would you stop existing no that's right and so so the memory of you is not you like you say you go back to the office on tuesday and you've been here and become aware of all these how do you live that i mean you don't know sure it doesn't happen you're being lived anyway it's an illusion that we believe we're the doer of everything yeah total complete illusion you believe that you were the doer of everything yeah total complete illusion you believe that you were the doer of everything in the past there is an illusion you find in everything that you believe that you believe you're the doer of everything you've contouring or consciously living in mutрев 달�ar wake up on, I was going to say Monday morning, Monday's a public holiday, on Tuesday morning, you decide to have a shower, you decide to have breakfast, you decide what you're going to wear, you decide to get in the car, you decide I'll drive this way today because it looks a bit busy that way.

Then you get to work and you decide what you're going to do when you get into work and so on. That's all actually not true. Absolutely none of it is true. There is no you deciding to do anything. All of that just purely happens by itself, regardless as to whether you believe you're there and you're in control and doing it. It just happens. You can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, you can, start to observe it just with your own body.

Literally your own body. I mean, you can, you can be aware of, you can come to a certain degree, you can be aware that thoughts just arise and disappear. So you can start to see that there's no doer there. They just come up and from God knows where and disappear into God knows where. Okay. That's generally where we start to have a bit of a look, you know, the powerlessness over the thinking process of the, over what occurred. between our so-called ears. Yeah. And we start to see, God, I'm actually not the creator of any of this thinking. It just happens. Indeed, if I was the creator, I'd switch it off for a little while, have a break.

But you can see the same, the exact same thing with your body. Watch what your body does throughout the course of the day. From this point forward, just be aware of what the body does. That's got nothing to do with you. You're not doing it. You're not even present. 90%. I'm not referring to you, by the way, when I say this, but we're not even present, you know, 99% of the time throughout the course of that we're so busy buying into the illusion that we're not even aware that this body just functions all by itself. It goes where it wants to go. It drives the car.

It showers itself. It feeds itself. Bob, you wanted to add something? Well, even as you're sitting there, you're breathing right now. Seeing right now, hearing right now, tasting. What are you doing about any of that? Life. Life. You are the life. You know what Christ said, I am the way, I am the truth, I am the life. Can't you say the same thing? Yes. Right. Well, take it. Know it for certain. So when death comes, don't you just keep going? I'm projecting to a future time. Is there such a thing as a future time? Yes, there you go. What are you going to worry about death for?

What's the use of having interest in it? It's something that hasn't happened yet. When you see a dead body, you just know that the life isn't there. That's right. That's just a perception as well. Well, there's still life in the body. There's still microbes and there's all sorts of stuff that goes on in the dead body. But we look at the dead body and we go, oh, that's dead. Yeah. Full stop. We just go, that's dead. But it's not. It's just not what we think it is. That's just an example. The body will, you know, whether it's cremated or put in the ground, either way, it still ends up being a part of life.

It still ends up being a part of the elements. It's still all part of the same life force, the body I'm talking about, same life force. You, who and what you actually are, don't die because you weren't born. And then there is another observation that is actually because we heard that voice, Terry, when he was telling the story, it was brilliant way to actually illustrate. We're going to the office and we think we chose what to wear, which way to go, we chose what to do. We decided. And actually the body was doing all that thing. But there is a commentary in the head. There is a commentator that is saying, I have chose this, I have chose that.

And as far as we can remember, till the age, probably two or three or first, very first memories we have, it was always that voice with us. And that voice contains all the emotions, all the worries about us, all about it translates everything as relative to us, gives meaning to things. So that voice of the commentator or the narrative self, this is something that is most deeply, we naturally most deeply, in that identify as us like we can say, of course, I'm not the body because if someone cut off my leg, I'm still here. We can say I'm not my thoughts because of course the thoughts are constantly changing.

But there is a deep identification and deep kind of connection to that voice that was always guiding me, telling me what to wear, telling me what to go, telling me what to believe in. And that very voice we don't want to die, but that very voice for those who for for those in who it did die, it was the separate self that did die, all of them say they would not trade it for anything in the world. Because with that narrative self, with that voice, this association and dying of that voice, the immense freedom of living the life without suffering, of living the life without relating came.

So we feel like, no, no, I have to protect my voice because this is the core of what I am, I don't want to die. But those like Jesus, like Buddha, like Christ, like Bob, like Eckhart Tolle, all those guys who actually managed to recognize themselves as something prior to narrative self, something before the voice even started chatting, something that exists whether the voice is there or not, they do not have any regrets of that commentator to go. Of that commentator to go. Of that commentator to go. Of that credit taker, the one who says, I've chose what to wear, I've chose my partner, I've chose my job, my career, I did it.

That one is imposter, it just takes credit. It doesn't do anything. It's like Bob just said, do we say, I do the seeing or I do growing my hair? No. To certain things we do agree that life does it. But some other things we take credit and we say, no, no, this was me. And that me built on all that. Throughout life, all that little credit taking things and guilt and blame that mistakes that it made, wrong decisions, wrong choices. That one build up to the point of, and the identification and the cherishing of that inner self or inner voice came with it. But it's really just a bundle of sounds and images going on, overlaying the naturalness of expression of life.

It's like a little advertising strap on the Facebook, some of the subtitles. Something that doesn't really have to be there. As I said, voice is nothing but sounds. Sounds are vibration. Vibrations are movement of energy. It's still the same. And when that one is quiet, obviously there is no one to ask the question, what about death or what about anything? Because it's only always that narrative self. Self. Self. Self. That wants to know anything. Because when that one, since it means us, when we stop talking and thinking, there is nothing that is not known. Everything is known. Everything is clear. It's only the question arising and saying, I don't know.

I'm curious. Curious. I want to know. There is a me that wants to know something. So it arises, the me arises within the structure of the sentence. With the question. With the curiosity. But that is the same voice, the whole narrative self that we know that seems like it's the same because it's always just a different thought showing up. But because it is so strongly built up into the memory and so believed in and so cherished as the core of my being, as my source, my heart, my emotional core, that's why it creates that persistent illusion of, of course there is a me. Well, no.

It's just the sense of presence and sensations. Sense of presence and sensation of sadness or joy or whatever. Or sensations without label. Presence and just vibration. That from the memory I am a label. Ah, but that's anxiety. No. It's not. It's just a, it's just a label that creates the anxiety. It's just a sense of presence. It's always only that. And sensations. Yeah. Okay. the mental gremlin but when i'm in that like complete presence like completely right in the now the minds can't it's like it can't go future or back it can't operate so i'm like free yeah so i'm okay word is right is it better i'm not gonna say it right but is it better to try and be like completely in the in the now versus when you're still the self and just exert and the thoughts come up you know you realize there's no me there but the thoughts come up but they can still drag you does that make sense so it's sort of like sometimes it's like i'm thinking it's better to try and stay completely in the now you can't choose you can't choose you can only see what shows up okay but if i go to observe like if i go to go into a meditation observe the thinking i'll just go drop the thing drops away completely in the now versus just let it all come up and that way i can get dragged a bit easier but who's doing that who's letting it isn't it just one part of the mind trying to trying to i guess it is yeah fix another part of the mind yeah and that's sort of what i suspected but i just wanted to you were right do you try to stay completely in the in the now no no no no there's no me there but it's comes back to noticing where there's no just see that you're trying to look you're still trying to grasp something that's ungraspable you really are and that's okay it's okay you'll eventually work that out you do i can't tell you that but you will you will eventually work that out okay because every time you see that you're cognizing emptiness and you can't be anywhere else but in the now everything happens yeah right yeah okay but you can still be that cognizing emptiness and have the thoughts come up well absolutely try try stopping the thoughts yeah it feels it feels a lot liberated with no thoughts comparing to what all the lots of thoughts yeah it's all spontaneous and also if the thought comes up if the thought spontaneously comes up okay i'll be watching thoughts you don't take credit for that thought you don't say i've chose to watch the thought because i want to be more uh like what nisar got to earnest i want to be more earnest so i will be doing this action if the thought arises i'm not going to be more earnest i'm going to be more earnest and the body follows the action don't take any credit don't say it was my decision oh this is what's happening right now and then another moment comes up where that thought doesn't arise is completely not available at this moment so you have a different moment and then yeah some different activity is being witnessed it's like and and of course coming to the places like here that thoughts that inspiring thoughts which you asked whether it would be better or not that may be arising but the question can i choose that thought or i can't can i reject should i choose it or should i reject it that's another thought and that thought already assumed that you have the free will to do something well if you just see the thought and and the follow-up and then another thought and the follow-up and then the discussion between the thoughts should i go this way or should i go this way just see it as another thought the question oh maybe i can choose this that's just another thought it can stay in the now and it's still i'll be there trying to do it but understand exactly what cat is saying for me is nothing but just another thought only yes there's nothing there like literally literally there's nothing there we're so used to hearing that inner voice that narrative since we're two years two years of age you know there's just been this narration that goes on and we've never ever once questioned its validity we're not told to we're not taught to none of us are asked to look in that direction we just assume me is that there's a me here and everyone else seems to be walking around with their own their own bundle of meanness you know like it's fairly normal you know that's kind of what everybody's doing and you kind of you know trip into the here and you're actually confronted with truth and fact.

Let's just deal with truth and fact. Forget the spiritual nonsense. Forget it. Let's just for a start, let's just deal with fact, truth, what we actually know and come from the truth, not a belief, not something that appears to be, not something that we imagine into being, just truth and fact. So what we're asked to look for is, is there an actual me here? And if there is, where is it? Where does it reside? Yeah. Where is the so-called me that believes it's choosing thought? All right. So this me that believes it's choosing thought, where is it located? Where is it located? Whereby it's saying, okay, now I'm going to construct this sentence and this idea and it puts all this, like these words together, one after another, or these concepts together.

Then it throws that up into its own awareness and then sees it all as a thought and then goes, oh, okay, look, I chose all that. Now I'm going to act on, like, come on, it's ridiculous. If you actually look, it's ridiculous. There's no, there's no me here doing any creating of this. For a start, the me works too slow. It's so slow. It's so incredibly slow compared to the spontaneity of life and the spontaneity of thoughts that just appear. Every single word that's coming out of my mouth right now, it's happening too quick for me to be sitting back going, okay, now say this, Terry, say it quick.

It's too quick. There isn't a me. There's no me here doing any of this. It's purely 100% spontaneously occurring. Getting back to the actual practical question of why it feels more liberated, it's just that sometimes when you're having thoughts, you're then having a judgment thought, which is really constriction. The thought that's happening to be there, the package that is reacting, so it feels more constricted on top of the thought. It's not that those thoughts suck. Analysis paralysis. All the me uses. It's just a thought. It's a pattern of thoughts that arises and contained within that me pattern of thoughts is going to be history. Okay, everything that's ever occurred to you.

It's a pattern of thought there that arises in relation to who and what we believe ourselves to be. Okay, then there'll be other patterns of thoughts, patterns of thoughts that will pop up throughout the course of the day that will then go into conflict or agreement. It doesn't matter with your me pattern of thoughts. So all that's ever happening is there's a relationship going on. The only thing that's relating to one another is thoughts only. There's no me there. There's nothing solid. There's not a person there. It's literally just thoughts. It's the same as when we believe we're in a relationship with somebody. We're not in.

Relationship with that person. You let's say you might. I'm not in a relationship. I'm in a relationship with what I think about you. That's my relationship. So it's all me centered. And that being the case, I can never see you for who and what you actually are. You and I could never absolutely connect. It's not possible because you'd be sitting over there having ideas and thoughts about beliefs and perceptions and concepts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's your relationship. So there's just patterns of thoughts in relationship with one another. That's it. That's actually. What's going on? You know, we're not in relationship with anything. We're so self obsessed and me obsessed and me concerned that we miss what's really actually going on. And whatever I believe or perceive or. conceptualize about you is completely wrong. The description is never the described. Completely wrong. The description is never the actual. It's not the actual. It's only a description. All I have in my head is a description about you. Whoever it is in this room, I'll have a description going on in my head.

I like that about that person. I don't like that about that person. Whatever. Yeah. But I'm not in a relationship with anyone whilst functioning and operating that way. I'm in a totally self-obsessed, self-absorbed relationship with me. And we miss actual, the real connection. We miss it. Completely miss it. Because I believe that who and what you are is what I think who and what you are is. And you also believe, what you think you are. Yeah. Instead of just spontaneously being with what is. It's all the same. Inwards, outwards. What I think about me, wrong. What I think about you, wrong. And the me is in the past.

And so Bob told me once, a really good way of checking on things. If you have a concept about yourself and someone else, if you're in the memory, you're wrong. That's it. Full stop. Full stop. Full stop. Leave it alone. Leave it alone. Do you remember that Bob? Do you want to say that one? If you're in the past, you're wrong. But that was in relation to 12 steps. That was really deep realisation around the 12 steps. Do you want to say it Bob or no? No. No. So when you say investigate what the truth is, Yeah. So how does that happen? Well you have to come to know what you're not.

You have to come to know what you're not. Otherwise you're going to be trying to look for what you are, from what you're not. From what you're not. And what you are, you are already. Already that. You can't find what you already are. But you can certainly come to see what you're not. What you've believed yourself to be. That you can come to see. With lots and lots of different pointers that happen here. Lots. Lots. Lots. Are you the creator of your own thoughts? So your whole self, your whole me-ness is based on thoughts. So who's the creator of your me? So what's left? If that's the case.

I mean that's a great answer. But what's actually truly left? What even pops up is what is. Yeah. So what's, so now what? Well you're there and I'm here. Yeah. And everyone else is here. No. Yes they are. No they're not. It appears to be. Have we labelled it? You're not there, I'm not here. And no one else is here. That's the truth. That's the actual truth. There's only life itself. Well they're kind of words, aren't they? It's a living force in the forms that are here. Could you say that? You could. And the forms are just labels that pop up. I guess what I'm getting, what I'm, what I'm, what I'm getting is that the forms are just labels that pop up.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think what I'm trying to really point to is, is there still a sense of meanness there? Is there still a sense of separateness there? Is there still a sense of look, yep, I understand this and I've got all the right answers to throw out there, but I still feel like I'm here. Okay. Okay. So that needs to be seen. Yeah. Instead of just throwing out the right answers, try not to do that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I promise. And just as my point there is, it doesn't help. What really helps would be, look, I can sit here and I can throw out all the right jargon and all the right answers.

But the truth is, if I'm to be brutally honest, I still feel like I'm here. It's me still feels like I'm here. Yeah. then you can work with that. Yeah, well I do feel like I'm here. I feel like you're there. Leave the there out of it. There's only here and now. If you divide it, as soon as you say there... Who cares what I say? Whether that's truth or not. Who cares what anyone says? Stop trying to get the truth or the wrong answer. Stop trying to get that here. Look for yourself. You literally... You need to look for yourself. You need to come to understand or at least see who or what am I?

What is this? And I mean literally. Look. Not with this. Not with concepts. Not with ideas. But sitting with and observing. Seeing. That's all. Just observing. What's really going on here. Not trying to grasp it intellectually. Not trying to grasp it with the mind. That will just end up frustrating the shit out of you. Which might be what needs to happen too. And that's okay. That's okay also. But what you're really trying to find is... You're not trying to find the me by the way. What you're actually trying to do is find out whether they're actually one. Don't assume there's one and go looking for it.

Yeah. The direct route of it's working is all in the force. If you pause a thought what can you say? What have you got? That's it. That's the direct route when they show that. And then the other one is when it's not showing that. That's where you are beyond the mind. Because mind is only thinking. I get the feeling that this might be trying to find the right words to describe taking you somewhere else. You know? Like how do I describe this? How do I describe going to work? How do I describe you being there and me being here? And again that's the mind going somewhere else.

It's taking you where Terry's pointing is forget about trying to describe what this is. Have a look. Investigate that source. Because that's where that's where the answer is. And then those ways of describing work and me and you here sitting in this room that will come that will find its own way. But trying to describe it before you're actually finding who you really are. What you're not. Is kind of the mind jumping ten steps ahead and going okay I get that but what are you? That's the mind forget about trying to describe what I do at work. Forget about trying to describe am I here and you're there?

How do I describe this? That's the mind trying to find a way to write. Forget it. Once you get that the words will come. Naturally. But spontaneously. But the mind's trying to find how do I describe this? How do I write about this? You're going the mind's taking you somewhere else. Beautiful. This is such an important pointer. Thank you for that. Because what we actually learned as the narrative self is that if we want to understand something we want a description of it. Because when someone is showing you a parrot on the tree, you've got to know what you're looking for. And very often we think when we describe things we think we know.

Like we describe electricity oh yeah I know what it is because it has been described. But this is about non-conceptual awareness. So it is when we say this is about the understanding we right away jump into conclusion that it will be an intellectual understanding the same way we understand another language or another person. There is something to do with concepts. But no. The understanding comes from beyond the mind. It is the knowing. It is the same type of knowing like the knowing that I am. It's actually exactly that one. Knowing. Like I don't know who I am or what I am but I know that I exist.

I can't try and stop existing. Or if someone tells me no you don't exist I won't be able to believe it. Because this is a certainty. This is something that I know even if I don't have the language. The sense of presence, the being is something that doesn't need to be described and it can't be described. But it is still totally known. And yet the word understanding Cathy what you were saying the understanding kind of implies the description. Okay if it will be described well enough then I will follow the description and find the described. It's not going to work in this particular area because as Bob was saying it is the space in which all the descriptions are.

Are already included. So it can't grasp from beyond itself. It makes itself known when all the describing and all the intellectual grasping and understanding ceases to be. This is what Tony mentioned. The moments when you pause the thought. The moments when there is nothing going on. No questions, no answers, no understanding no description, nothing. In these moments there is still something that is absolutely certain and there is still a sense of presence in the understanding. The fact of the existence of the being. The consciousness aware of its own existence. Everything else is added and is conceptual. What Terry was saying the relation between people is so clouded by our concepts about what I am and what the other person is that there is no relation really.

There is just some sort of confusion going on. But if there is no concepts it's just the sense of presence here. It's just the sense of being. It doesn't have any body, it doesn't have any face. If I don't have concept of what it is it's just being. And if I don't have a concept about what anything else is it's all just being. But the description brilliant, it's just such an important pointer. The understanding with the mind trying to... ...for so long it's like... It's like you? It feels like you? And it's preciousness about it. It's like... Protecting essence. Preciousness. It's like a child in you somehow.

It's like, oh no, I can't let go of that. But also what you Cathy pointed you know, the mind often says OK, I get that. Next. Next. Oh yeah, there is just life. So what about this? Thinking that we actually got something. Thinking that we actually got something. We have absolutely no idea what electricity is even though it's so well described and even though it's used so commonly. Nobody knows what it is. And it's actually good to not know. The not knowing and not needing to know is when the narrative self is absent. Because when the narrative self is still there it wants to know, it wants to understand it wants to have description.

When this one is gone it's just being. And I don't have any desire to define myself and know what I am. It's just no desire whatsoever because every definition would still be the described description, not the described. Words, not the real, whatever word you put not the thing. Here is there, there is here. It's the not wanting to let go of a self the other sleepless night. It was sleepless. It was I wanted I wanted to exist. I wanted to have an answer. I needed to have an answer. And I needed control. And because I was sick this week you know that brought up oh how am I going to get well and where is this going to lead to.

So the thought of just tomorrow was just driving this self insane. And somewhere in all of that fear of losing control or knowing that I don't how do I just let go how do I Trust. Yeah how. And there was I walked over to my phone and Terry had posted something about free will and from this point forward be happy. And it just diluted everything. It diluted all of that. Because there was only this point. And it wasn't saying me be happy. It was just saying be happy. And there was like oh there's no me to have to worry about tomorrow or me to have to control.

There's just beingness. There's just this point. And if I got to choose why choose being miserable and at all just be it was a paradox. It's just be happy. Happiness often just be. Just be. Because that's the only thing you can for sure exist. And so the fear of death I suppose you were talking about fear of death but in that being well and in that sleepless night a fear of death was there. And it was it underlies a lot of who I become. I think most questions that arise from the memory of ourselves is actually in a way a fear of death. Because it's the me dying.

I forget. The dead the dead is risen or Oh yeah I said something because it's Easter Sunday. I said yeah I can't even remember what I said it was profound anyway. I can't remember. Profound was not the word. Oh no. It was something like the self you know the use You realise and recognise the here and now on us of everything. Where are you going to go if you don't And also isn't the fear of death just the love of life? Yeah. That's right. But in the focusing I suppose on wanting to not be dead there was the absence of experiencing life. There was not being happy.

There was not just being present to what is happening here. Right now the life that's actually in actuality happening. Totally yes. And it was also the feeling of the unknown of your doing. Once you recognise it you see that you didn't do it. It was just the feeling that arose. The beginning of the contraction and the end of contraction they all arising. It feels like there is a me involved and that's why it feels so contracted. But me is a fiction. It's a habit. Anyway time has caught up with us. Thank you. So you're innocent of any sort of me arising? Everyone is. It's just a habit.